Sea or Sky

Saturday, June 24th, 2017 12:45 am
bairnsidhe: (Default)
[personal profile] bairnsidhe

Twist-souled sister, an untamed curl

As Diana a goddess, a tom-boy-type girl

The traveler soul sits restless within

Sending you far from safe shores and kin


Bloody Fox, fear of the seas

Always too fast, your prizes to seize

The Hound who dogs your trail on the blue

One day, someday, will catch up to you


Home in the arms of family dear

You embrace the lady you’d grown to fear

Silks that you stole cut into a gown

Perfume from crimes ‘gainst the Crown


Across the bow of a ship that you espied

The bulk of the Hound of the Crown you defied

He’s come home to rest, no cause for alarm

Except that to dinner he’s decided to come


Your stays are now armor of ladylike mold

Your foe now a Hound to rest in your hold

He calls you his lady and blushes so well

A flower you give has something to tell


But the wild sea calls and soon the stays bind

You get back on your ship, role redefined

Sailing the junk-rig with your brigand band

Back to the life of a pirate and man


You see once more the Hound of the King

Now your Hound as well, if he could see anything

But he curses your name as you sail away

For he sees only who you are today


Many months sailing and a becalming truce

Your feud is cooling as love sparks between crews

You long for your baubles, your lace, and your tea

And you sail back to the home off of the sea


Your Hound there is waiting, faithful and true

To the Lady he loves, and that lady is you

He doesn’t suspect, and it stings all the more

When he sails away thinking you’ll stay onshore


On the seas lust turns into love and regret

For although he wants you, he cannot forget

The Lady left waiting, his angel of light

You bid sad adieu and sail out of sight


He comes to trouble, you come to his aid

You charge into battle, heart unafraid

He calls out as you fall, he sees you hit

And a gun in his hand to remember it


At home you recoup in lace and soft bed

He comes to visit and you about lose your head

Trying to hide what he doesn’t know yet

And now you understand his love and regret


Long months pass and you’re well to ride

He goes with you, his love hard to hide

You do the hard thing, he asks for your hand

He kneels at your feet, and you tell him to stand


A long engagement is required say you

He does not know all you need him to

Out on the sea you help him to find

The truth of your heart and your kind


Now back at home, you are planning a trip

Down past the Horn, the perilous tip

Your kinfolk are muttering, as is their due

But Lady or Pirate, you know he loves you.


This was inspired by Thorinsmut's smell the sea and feel the sky
, and while that technically makes this a fan-work, is so seven-degrees-of-separation that I feel okay posting it on my orig-fic page.  Go check it out for more genderfluid pirate adventures!  Although I may have just spoilered the entire plot.  Oh well.


Date: 2017-06-24 06:46 am (UTC)
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
From: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
1) Since you asked for concrit, I suggest that you check your syllable count when writing rhymed poetry like this. It tends to work better with a consistent meter. One method is to mark stressed and unstressed syllables in feet. Another is to count on your fingers. I usually use my fingers, but resort to marks for complex forms that I can't do in my head.

2) Thorinsmut writes some incredible stuff.

Re: Thoughts

Date: 2017-06-25 09:28 am (UTC)
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
From: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
>>And that is why I tend to avoid rhymed poetry unless working within a set structure like sonnets. Thanks for the reminder, I tend to forget I need to track more than concept-sound-shape.<<

Some forms are simple, others complex. Irish is about the limit of my skill, where there's syllable count and rhyme and meter and assonance across lines and they're so damn short there's no wiggle room. I can do it, but it's a stretch.

>> I also need to track beat-feel-pace. Maybe if I drag out a metronome... I'll figure it out. <<

Brilliant idea, hadn't heard of that before, but a metronome should work if you're musically inclined.

>>Thank you for the con-crit, I do appreciate it greatly. I know I can't get better without review and revision.<<

Now if only everyone would realize that about poetry. SFPA recently had a debate about editing poetry because someone -- a very well-known and widely published poet -- flipped over someone requesting an edit. Who edits poetry? >_< People who want the damn stuff to be GOOD, that's who. Which is what I said.

>> Thorinsmut and asparklethatisblue are some of my favorite Nwalin writers,<<

:D Me too.

>> and I love that sea and sky is an entirely self-contained AU. I do not have the patience for self-contained AU fan-fiction, if I'm going to world-build, I'm going to get all the credit for it and it will be entirely origfic. I do however have the greatest of respect for the authors who can pull it off.<<

I love worldbuilding too. My fanfic is for fun, derive in-extrapolate out, so I prefer to stick close to canon in most cases.

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