Murder Salad

[bairnsidhe]

 This is my oft requested recipe for Murder Salad.  To clarify, this is a salad made INSTEAD of Murder, not WITH Murder.  

This is what I call an algorithm recipe, which means it involves math, but it's very flexible for people who can't have certain foods. You can use any of the following ingredients and leave out the ones you dislike or react badly to, although places where OR is used indicate it is preferable not to use both.  One cup is a serving, but this recipe is not recommended for less than 3 people.

All ingredients can or ought to be raw, an asterix (*) denotes things that can be roasted first if desired.

Type One (Base Notes)

Cabbage (any color) OR Bok Choy

Broccoli

Cauliflower*

Brussel Sprouts*

Spinach OR Mesclun Mix

Kale

Collard OR Poke OR Turnip
Kohlrabi (peeled)
Daikon (peeled)

 

Type Two (Flavor Notes)

Bell Peppers* (any color)

Tomatoes*

Beets

Radishes

Celery

Zucchini

Sweet corn on the Cob*

Carrots* OR Parsnips

Jicama

Onions*

Jerusalem artichoke (sunchokes)

Mushrooms

Select at least two Type Ones, and chop roughly with a large knife.  Heft is important in this knife.  If you don't slightly want to sing one of Mrs. Lovett's songs from Sweeny Todd, you need a bigger knife.  Get rough with it. Yell "Off With Her Head!"  Have fun, vent your anger.

When the Type One victims ingredients are chopped small enough you could easily fit one into your mouth, scoop the remains into a large bowl.

Next, select at least four things from Type Two's list.  At this point, measure the amount currently in your bowl from the previous step and estimate half that.  Then divide by the number of things you picked, and try to use just that volume of the bowl for each of the new ingredients.  

Example Math: Natasha is making Murder Salad so she doesn't kill her boss.  She used 1 cup of Purple Cabbage, 1 cup of Cauliflower, and 1 cup of roasted Brussel Sprouts.  She then gets out Beets, Red Peppers, Yellow Peppers, Carrots, Red Onion and Jicama.  Half of three cups is 1 1/2 cup, or 1.5 cups, 1.5 divided by 6 is 0.25, or 1/4 cup.

TIP: Work in scales of two.  So two from Type One and four from Type Two , or three from Type One and six from Type Two.  The math is easier.  It is also acceptable to guess the numbers and pick easier math (such as rounding awkward fractions to half or quarter cups.)

Once you have the rage stoked back up from a recipe that makes you do long division of fractions, take that heavy knife to your new victims.  Chop these slightly more fine than the Type One list.  Slicing is permissible if you feel like flaying little strips off something.  A grater is also an acceptable tool here, as is a mandolin (the slicing device, not the string instrument) or a peeler. If you chose corn, be careful slicing the kernels from the cob.

Take the vegetable gore-confetti and spread it on top of the base ingredients.  Give it a gentle mix with either your hands or a set of salad servers.  At this point you can mix in a vinaigrette of your choice, or serve with red wine vinegar and olive oil at the table.

Bonus: Algorithmic Dressing Recipe

A vinaigrette at its core is one part vinegar or other acid, three to four parts oil, and just a bit of emulsifier to make them mix.  Dijon mustard, honey, and egg yolk can all be used as emulsifiers, although raw egg yolk can be as risky as it is yummy.

You’ll need: A jar with a screw-on lid, 2 Tablespoon vinegar (cider, red wine, or balsamic work well), 1/2 cup oil (Olive works best, generally. Do NOT use a flavor oil like sesame), and EITHER one egg yolk, 1 Tablespoon honey, OR 1 Tablespoon Dijon mustard.  You can also throw spices in if you want. (Cider vinegar, olive oil, honey, and cinnamon is amazing, as is red wine vinegar, olive oil, dijon and paprika)

Put everything in the jar, seal, and shake.

Comments

[technoshaman]

Oooers. Hafta save this one. :)

[technoshaman]

Oh, I find that a fifty-fifty mix of Spinach AND Spring Greens does well as a base... no OR there needed...
And ooh, roasted onion and carrot! NOM. (FWIW I always use sweet onion wherever onion is called for, not being a fan of the heat of the usual yellows...) (Our market rotates: Mauis, Mayans, Texas 1015, Vidalia, and Walla Walla, whatever's in season at the time... I *think* I have those roughly in order, from winter back 'round to fall...) (The 1015 I got hold of last weekend making Beef and Broccoli was _particularly_ good...)

Oh, and there's a rap about ... come to think of it, this is closer to an algorithm than a recipe, b/c there are choices here... but it's how to build a salad... and a little more. Beets In My Salad, by SJ Tucker (and "Framily")

[bairnsidhe]

Oh I love a good green salad with spinach and mixed greens. The OR is there because it's not a good base for a Murder Salad and you need at least one more thing with more body or the veggie-gore-confetti flattens the salad. The core of a Murder Salad for me is the use of a Big Ass Knife, which means the list has a lot of tough, fibrous veggies on it, and thus the base needs to be structurally sound.

Sweet onions are always my preference too, although I usually leave them off salads if I have the option. I prefer them cooked into submission, honestly, lol.

I write a lot of algorithmic recipes because that's how Life Partner processes food information. He doesn't usually follow recipes, but if there's an algorithm explaining the general HOW of a food, he can replicate it with astounding creativity.

(Thanks for the SJ Tucker song, I love her stuff!)

Try this ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Maple vinegar exists, made with the last tapping of the season. Combine with maple syrup for an emulsifier, and you can put the sweet-tart balance wherever you want it.